Limbo

Lately, I realized that I have this fear within me. Fear of everything that might happen between us, to us. I fear that we are slowly coming to our end. I also fear that this thing between us will never end. I fear that we won't end up together and finally will be detached from each other lives, as much as I fear that we will be an item eventually. I fear that one day you'll leave me, but I also fear you'll never do it. I fear that I won't be able to leave you behind, but I also fear that life will drag me away from you. 

I fear many things. I fear life without you, but I also fear life circulating around you. I fear losing you, but I  also fear having you too close. I fear you. I fear myself too. I fear everything related to you, to us. But, you know what I fear the most?  is that I always come back to you. That I won't be able to escape you. That at the end of the day, I still seek comfort from you.

I think I am in limbo. A neverending one. I fear staying still but I could not move. I want my happiness so bad, but thinking that it may cost your existence from my life, saddens me. I don't want you and I desire you at the same time. I hate you but I need you. You are both my safe haven and my living hell. I run from you to you. I feel like my life revolves around you and I hate that very much. I no longer know what I should pray for. A life without you or a life with you.